Assertiveness

I attended a course on assertiveness today, in a bid to become a nicer, less argumentative person.

If I fail, I fear I will become the crazy old lady who stands in the street shouting at litter, whom small children fear and teenagers ridicule. I think I’d like to grow old disgracefully, in full charge of all my senses and knowing exactly what I'm up to as I get dragged kicking and screaming from a children's playground by the rozzers.

This is now forming a magnificent picture in my mind. My blotchy, greyscale image adorning the notice boards of local churches, village halls and community centres along with a big red 'WARNING' displayed above it. I want a special code for the filth to use whenever I am reported causing social unrest. A one-woman riot, that's what I'll be!

"Uh, dispatch, this is unit 2504, we have a uh… 10-45 in progress. Again. Over."
"(Aw jeez.) Roger 2504, please state your location. Over."
"Uh, dispatch we are at the Meadow Road park."
(sound of sobbing and screeching over radio)
"Please send immediate back up. Over."
"Roger 2504, armed support approaching at speed."

I should add, I don’t want to become a criminal and locked up. I just want to be old, get away with very bad behaviour and go out with a bang. Who wants to go out with a whimper?