Anger

I feel angry today. I don't think I have felt it all day but I certainly wasn't feeling on top of the world when I woke this morning. I've felt kind of near the end of my tether and liable to snap given the right provocation.

I had that provocation about two hours ago and my stubborn self won't let me admit that part of the problem is mine. I take criticism badly and that's what triggered it.

I was told recently that anger is our illogical, unthinking self reacting how it wants to external stimulus. Right now I can see the point of the person who told me that. Had I thought about how what I was being told was making me feel, maybe I could have controlled my reaction and potentially not hurt the feelings of the other person.

Is it progress when you can see how lessons you've been taught can be applied in reality? Is that what learning is? If so, when do I consider that I have learnt what I was taught? Now? When I apologise to the person I reacted like this to? Or when a similar circumstance occurs and I behave with consideration for others?

I'd like it to be now, I know it won't be and I geniunely think it won't be until I moderate my actions and behaviour in the future. I find this depressing, because it means there's another negative situation waiting for me in the future and I don't want to confront it. Also it's disappointing that despite my enlightenment (for want of a better word) right now, I can't claim the knowledge in practise as mine. Hence I am impatient too.

This is a depressing entry today, and I apologise for it. I'm just in that mood today.