Shooting Stars: A Response

I got on my high horse about the cancellation of Shooting Stars recently.

I received a response from Auntie on Thursday 24th November.

Thanks for contacting us regarding 'Shooting Stars.'

We understand you're unhappy the series has been decommissioned.

'Shooting Stars' has been a great addition to the BBC Two schedule, however, we regularly have to make difficult decisions with regard to which shows to commission and unfortunately sometimes they will prove to be unpopular with sections of the audience. In future there will be less space on BBC Two for comedy/entertainment panel shows so sadly 'Shooting Stars' won't be returning. We'd like to thank Vic and Bob for everything they've brought to the channel over the years.

Thanks once again for contacting us.

Grrr.

Shooting Stars

You may be aware of the terrible news this week that the BBC are not commissioning any further series of Shooting Stars. I found out from Bob Mortimer's tweet on Tuesday, and here's the BBC news report to rub it in a little more. (I know in the grand scheme of things, it pales in comparison to war, famine et al.)

This has made me an unhappy bunny. I'm not alone either. On the Twitters, a flurry of tweets from famous types including such luminaries as Al Murray, Peter Serafinowicz and and Mark Gatiss hit the mark much more succinctly than my own "WT FUCKING F?! This makes not #POTBBC :-(". (#POTBBC is a hashtag which stands for 'Proud of the BBC'.)

Inspired by the official Shooting Stars Twitter account (click for the tweet), I have logged a complaint with Auntie:

I am extremely dismayed to learn of the corporation's decision not to commission further series of Shooting Stars.

First, let me state that I am a great supported of the BBC in all its formats & firmly believe the cuts foisted upon it by the Tories are abhorrent & uncalled-for.

However, Messrs Moir & Mortimer are two of the UK's greatest surreal comedians who deserve better treatment than this. Their show is hysterical to say the least. Their treatment of celebrities is irresistible yet by cancelling the programme, will be.

Although other panel shows such as Mock The Week and Have I Got News For You provide much-needed levity in these severe times, they do not fill the niche which ‘Stars does. It is unique, original and fantastically absurd. Where else can one view a full half-hour of such outside of an Eddie Izzard or Bill Bailey concert?

I urge you to seriously reconsider the decision, taking into consideration the argument that Shooting Stars is hardly a panel show in the general sense of the term.

Want to join in? You can contact the corporation directly here. I don't see the harm in you taking part in the Radio Times' poll here either.

I know. I can't believe it either.

Shooting Stars

I wrote this for the Empire Magazine forum top 100 TV shows http://www.empireonline.com/forum/tm.asp?m=2850596

I am biased. I am an unashamed and unapologetic fan of Vic and Bob since their Channel 4 series and have endless time for their escapades. This said, to describe Shooting Stars inevitably requires frequent and honest use of the term anarchic. It’s a tired cliché when it comes to Messers Moir* & Mortimer but more justified for them than for many other acts to whom it’s applied.

It is Shooting Stars who we have to thank for George & Marjorie Dawes, for Ulrika Jonnson’s otherwise inexplicable popularity and for B3ta’s propensity for the SPANG meme. However I forgive them this.

There is a format for the show... just. There are two teams, captained by (team A) Mark Lamarr, Will Self and Jack Dee and (team B) Ulrika Jonnson; four guest panellists (though team B will often have a semi regular, previously Jonny Vegas and Angelos Epithemiou), a scorekeeper (formerly George or Marjorie Dawes, most recently Angelos Epithemiou), all led by Vic & Bob as the question masters. However questions should be taken in the loosest possible sense: a question could be ‘name a popular fruit’ and if ‘apple’ is given as an answer, the correct answer could well be Graham Norton or vice versa: if Norton is given, apple would be correct. For a contestant to score points seems to be on the whim of the score keeper, if that.

Though this all sounds like a big complaint, the best way to appreciate it is to watch it yourself. Look out for repeats, specifically from the original series where Jarvis Cocker is twatted with a watermelon and from the most recent series, with Jack Dee getting smacked in the face with bacon. Sublime.

*Call yourself a fan if you didn’t need to Google ‘Moir’.

If were Director General

Now where was I? Oh yes. If I were Director General of the BBC. Cuts, cuts, more cuts and cuts. At least for the trash.

For the chop with no opportunity for dispute or appeal (in no particular order)

• Doctor Who (not only would I say goodbye, I would say good riddance, and thank fuck for that) and associated spin-off shows
• Eastenders (I have a Take No Prisoners approach to all kinds of soaps as well as reality TV programming and 'talent' shows. That is not to say the candidates are talentless morons like on such programmes which will not be mentioned here but they are a comparable format and therefore illegal in Sahara Desert Land*.
• Lord Andrew Lloyd-Webber audition shows
• Strictly Come Dancing
• Holby Shitty
• Casualty
• Film 2010 (unless the Winkleman can be dispatched and replaced with Mark Kermode). Otherwise, turn it into a show where viewers can tweet in abuse to the Winkleman because she knows shit about films.
• Radio 1 unless it can continue to attract life-time BBC fans to the corporation in much the same way it did to me in my formative years. It needs to dispense, with minimal fuss, with the egos of certain presenters, who shall remain nameless. Said presenters are worthwhile presenters on the station but need to get back to their roots. If it can do this, it will be saved. If not: AXED!

This list is neither exhaustive nor definitive and may be subject to change.

Rebranding (in no particular order)

• Masterchef (any iteration) renamed Mastershout in honour of Sir Terrance of Wogan. If Dave Lamb can be enticed away from Channel 4 for the least amount of munnies he will commentate with Sir Wogan, otherwise the job’s Terry’s, no questions asked. He’s already on contract, y’see.

This list is neither exhaustive nor definitive and may be subject to change.

Saved for Life (in no particular order)

• Mock The Week
• University Challenge
• QI
• Top Gear
• Countryfile
• Something For The Weekend
• Saturday Kitchen
• Cookery shows by Nigella, Delia, Valentine Warner, Anjum Anand, Ching-He Huang, Heston Bloodyhell & Raymond Blanc.
• Shooting Stars
• Never Mind The Buzzcocks
• Have I Got News For You
• I’m Sorry I Haven’t A Clue
• Question Time
• Newsnight

This list is neither exhaustive nor definitive and may be subject to change.

Recommissioned (in no particular order)

• The Fast Show
• In The Night Garden
• Children of the Sun

This list is neither exhaustive nor definitive and may be subject to change.

Regarding Government interference and attacks on the BBC

David Cameron and his inbred, moneyed, entitled cabal of idiots will be told to fuck off when attempting to interfere with any aspect of the corporation. The same will go for publications which wantonly attack the corporation without just cause. You know who you are. Naughty.

Other stuff

• BBC Bristol will be granted a charter of Never Being Even Threatened With Closure.
• David Attenborough shall be crowned King of BBC Bristol
• The move to Manchester will be scrapped.
• Brian Cox and Jim Al Khalili can each have as many series commissioned as they like.
• Science documentaries in general will be prioritised. Although I don’t have qualifications worth shouting about doesn't mean I don't feel I learn anything from watching such shows. In short: just because I don't have the proof, doesn’t mean I don't understand their content.

*Obligatory Sahara Desert Land Tourism Board Statement

"Visit Sahara Desert Land for apoplexy and soapbox ranting. Fun for all the family!"

You do realise I need to cut costs elsewhere to afford to buy back Mad Men off that thieving, bastard Australian, yes? Good.