Shooting Stars

You may be aware of the terrible news this week that the BBC are not commissioning any further series of Shooting Stars. I found out from Bob Mortimer's tweet on Tuesday, and here's the BBC news report to rub it in a little more. (I know in the grand scheme of things, it pales in comparison to war, famine et al.)

This has made me an unhappy bunny. I'm not alone either. On the Twitters, a flurry of tweets from famous types including such luminaries as Al Murray, Peter Serafinowicz and and Mark Gatiss hit the mark much more succinctly than my own "WT FUCKING F?! This makes not #POTBBC :-(". (#POTBBC is a hashtag which stands for 'Proud of the BBC'.)

Inspired by the official Shooting Stars Twitter account (click for the tweet), I have logged a complaint with Auntie:

I am extremely dismayed to learn of the corporation's decision not to commission further series of Shooting Stars.

First, let me state that I am a great supported of the BBC in all its formats & firmly believe the cuts foisted upon it by the Tories are abhorrent & uncalled-for.

However, Messrs Moir & Mortimer are two of the UK's greatest surreal comedians who deserve better treatment than this. Their show is hysterical to say the least. Their treatment of celebrities is irresistible yet by cancelling the programme, will be.

Although other panel shows such as Mock The Week and Have I Got News For You provide much-needed levity in these severe times, they do not fill the niche which ‘Stars does. It is unique, original and fantastically absurd. Where else can one view a full half-hour of such outside of an Eddie Izzard or Bill Bailey concert?

I urge you to seriously reconsider the decision, taking into consideration the argument that Shooting Stars is hardly a panel show in the general sense of the term.

Want to join in? You can contact the corporation directly here. I don't see the harm in you taking part in the Radio Times' poll here either.

I know. I can't believe it either.

If were Director General

Now where was I? Oh yes. If I were Director General of the BBC. Cuts, cuts, more cuts and cuts. At least for the trash.

For the chop with no opportunity for dispute or appeal (in no particular order)

• Doctor Who (not only would I say goodbye, I would say good riddance, and thank fuck for that) and associated spin-off shows
• Eastenders (I have a Take No Prisoners approach to all kinds of soaps as well as reality TV programming and 'talent' shows. That is not to say the candidates are talentless morons like on such programmes which will not be mentioned here but they are a comparable format and therefore illegal in Sahara Desert Land*.
• Lord Andrew Lloyd-Webber audition shows
• Strictly Come Dancing
• Holby Shitty
• Casualty
• Film 2010 (unless the Winkleman can be dispatched and replaced with Mark Kermode). Otherwise, turn it into a show where viewers can tweet in abuse to the Winkleman because she knows shit about films.
• Radio 1 unless it can continue to attract life-time BBC fans to the corporation in much the same way it did to me in my formative years. It needs to dispense, with minimal fuss, with the egos of certain presenters, who shall remain nameless. Said presenters are worthwhile presenters on the station but need to get back to their roots. If it can do this, it will be saved. If not: AXED!

This list is neither exhaustive nor definitive and may be subject to change.

Rebranding (in no particular order)

• Masterchef (any iteration) renamed Mastershout in honour of Sir Terrance of Wogan. If Dave Lamb can be enticed away from Channel 4 for the least amount of munnies he will commentate with Sir Wogan, otherwise the job’s Terry’s, no questions asked. He’s already on contract, y’see.

This list is neither exhaustive nor definitive and may be subject to change.

Saved for Life (in no particular order)

• Mock The Week
• University Challenge
• QI
• Top Gear
• Countryfile
• Something For The Weekend
• Saturday Kitchen
• Cookery shows by Nigella, Delia, Valentine Warner, Anjum Anand, Ching-He Huang, Heston Bloodyhell & Raymond Blanc.
• Shooting Stars
• Never Mind The Buzzcocks
• Have I Got News For You
• I’m Sorry I Haven’t A Clue
• Question Time
• Newsnight

This list is neither exhaustive nor definitive and may be subject to change.

Recommissioned (in no particular order)

• The Fast Show
• In The Night Garden
• Children of the Sun

This list is neither exhaustive nor definitive and may be subject to change.

Regarding Government interference and attacks on the BBC

David Cameron and his inbred, moneyed, entitled cabal of idiots will be told to fuck off when attempting to interfere with any aspect of the corporation. The same will go for publications which wantonly attack the corporation without just cause. You know who you are. Naughty.

Other stuff

• BBC Bristol will be granted a charter of Never Being Even Threatened With Closure.
• David Attenborough shall be crowned King of BBC Bristol
• The move to Manchester will be scrapped.
• Brian Cox and Jim Al Khalili can each have as many series commissioned as they like.
• Science documentaries in general will be prioritised. Although I don’t have qualifications worth shouting about doesn't mean I don't feel I learn anything from watching such shows. In short: just because I don't have the proof, doesn’t mean I don't understand their content.

*Obligatory Sahara Desert Land Tourism Board Statement

"Visit Sahara Desert Land for apoplexy and soapbox ranting. Fun for all the family!"

You do realise I need to cut costs elsewhere to afford to buy back Mad Men off that thieving, bastard Australian, yes? Good.

The Right Thing

I recently started reading Private Eye on a regular basis, after picking up the odd issue here and there over the past six months or so.

And it makes me feel bad.

Not bad in the sense I shouldn't read it, because I should. It's informative, witty and edited by Ian Hislop who is a great sport and mainstay of Have I Got News For You.

Boys and their toys. Bless.

But when I say it makes me feel bad, I mean it makes me feel impotent and highlights just how filled with bureaucracy this country's government is and how nothing ever seems to change given the references the publication will litter its articles with "Eyes passim" & "Eye ad finitum", when a current topic has been covered before, either ten issues or ten years ago.

It makes me want to switch voting habits, but to whom? The recent Telegraph expenses story has demonstrated to me that anyone of the main three parties can't be trusted (not that I did anyway, but I voted for the best of a bad bunch, and I voted because people have died for my right to do so).

At the last local and European elections, I was confronted with a ballot paper with the choice of Labour, Conservative or Lib Dem (I stuck with my usual choice in that case) and a ballot paper longer than my arm. I found myself nearly considering to spoil it, horrified as I was at the amount of BNP-lite candidates given on it. Thinking sensibly I didn't and managed to vote away from my usual choice and away from the other two of the main three parties. I think I felt good about this, but the party in question is not my chosen representative in the EU.

Private Eye also makes me fear for ever being sued or having to have any legal issues. Okay, I'm not an avid viewer of legal programmes, fact or fiction, and the ones which did interest me more dealt with the US legal system – yes, I'm squinting at the malnourished figure of Ally McBeal here.

Ally McBeal in paperweight mode.

What I read in Private Eye are tales of complicated appeals, rulings, injunctions and years of stress for those involved be they corrupt or not. It makes me shudder to even consider a situation where I’d have to go through any kind of legal wrangling.

However there is something which has piqued my interest which is being covered in the magazine. There is a fellow name of Simon Singh (http://www.simonsingh.net/) whose case can be read about here: http://www.senseaboutscience.org.uk/index.php/site/project/333/

Although I failed my science courses at 6th Form, I still find the subject fascinating. Mr Singh's case is important and fascinating. I hope you find it the same way too.

I shall keep reading Private Eye – to keep up with events in the Simon Singh case and to continue to make myself aware of issues which I feel aren't covered in as much detail elsewhere in the media. And to enjoy their macabre humour and sly wit.