The Superb Owl

I don't get what all the fuss was about last night. Since when were our friends in the US so obsessed with nocturnal birds of prey?

Still. In the interests of international relations, I joined in with their #SuperbOwl hashtag and submitted these beauties for their delectation. I really hoped they appreciated them.

In other news, this happy chappy can't get enough coverage in my learned opinion.

Do your stompy dance, little fella!

Never Argue with a Woman

One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book. The peace and solitude are magnificent.

Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?')

"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.""Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you,' says the Game Warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads.

I love a good joke, me

Four men sat in a pub philosophising about what the fastest thing is. First man says "the fastest thing is a thought because it enters your head without warning."

Second man says "no the fastest thing is a blink because a blink's a reflex and you don't even think about it."

Third man says "no the fastest thing is light. Look at Star Trek and all those sci fi shows for proof."

The fourth man says "you're all wrong, the fastest thing is diaorrhea because last night before I could think blink or turn on the light I'd shat myself."